Sunday, September 18, 2011

Deep thoughts {Unedited}

Well, it seems ever since my last post on praying big, that the Lord has significantly increased my hope and belief. Almost every day this past week, I read or heard something that spoke so perfectly to my heart on this subject.

Price was sick this past week. He was out of school most of the week and just not himself. Having a nonverbal, sick 3 year old is no fun. I found myself at times thinking that this could be the beginning of Price getting worse. We have been told several times that what he "has" could be degenerative, and although Nathan and I really don't think it is, it's a hard comment to just ignore. We saw the "spark" gone from his little eyes for a couple of days (as it does in so many typical kids when they are sick) and I at times wondered if it would come back. I thought about him losing skills that he had worked so hard to accomplish as I saw his movements get a little crazy and his body get stiffer. I didn't allow my mind to dwell on these things at all. They were just quick, fleeting thoughts. Horrible thoughts and total lies.

One night this week, Nathan and I were talking about how the suffering we have experienced has brought us more peace and joy than we have ever known. I remembered my days of anxiously pouring over the internet looking for anything that would help us "fix" our baby. I remembered the anxious calls to the doctors, the days where I could think of nothing but what was wrong with my child. At some point though and by the grace of God, I relinquished my control over the situation. I guess you could say I crossed a threshold where either I could just drown in my anxiousness and obsession with my child OR I could LIVE and experience peace by trusting my sorrow, my grief, my anxiety to HIM. Entrusting HIM with my children, knowing the plan He has is good.

This morning in Sunday school we had a time of prayer at the end. I haven't been to Sunday school in quite some time because of Street, and it felt so great to be back and see so many new faces. As we shared prayer requests, tears starting flowing, walls came down, and couples started sharing their real lives. The suffering was so evident. It came in every shape and form. Abuse, depression, death, pain, children. We laid hands on others and prayed for each request. Friends who had been through similar struggles and pain were able to minister to those beginning to walk the same road. It was simply beautiful.

All this to say (and in a very roundabout and unedited way), that we hold onto the hope and belief that the Lord can work miracles. We trust that He can bring that which doesn't exist into existence. We have faith in the One that with a word can change a situation or outcome. We also know that our suffering is part of a greater plan and purpose. We have confidence that it gives us a testimony. It allows us to pour our lives into others going through similar circumstances. All of the saints suffered. The surrendering of our lives to Jesus, produces in us a peace and joy that can only be found in Him. It provides us with a hope unlike any other. It provides us with a peace and rest knowing that this world has nothing for us. That we are made for something so much greater and that we are not yet home.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy." (Romans 15:13)

{Oh, and by the way, Price's sparkle did indeed come back. He is back to being himself and the little star that he is.}

8 comments:

Tabaitha said...

What an amazing testimony of your Sunday School class and I want to thank you for sharing your "unedited" thoughts. God is doing a mighty thing in your life and Price's and I am praying for both of you.

Win said...

God loved the world so much that he gave his son, Jesus...

I find it peaceful that you choose to lay it all at his feet, knowing that he wants you to, knowing that he has his plan.
Price is perfect in every way. I like to think of how the world seems through his eyes.

Wishing you all continued strength and happiness. And RAIN! Yeah?

The Wells Family said...

i've been playing the song in my head this week, "this world has nothing for me, and this world has everything; all that I could want, and nothing that I need."

Michelle said...

beautiful post kristin! it has been six years since we gave our sweet baby boy back to the Lord. i had to say goodbye when i was just saying hello to his earthly body as his soul was already with Jesus. all that to say, i am at peace with what happened (stillborn due to cord around his neck twice) and can finally say i trust God's plan. doesn't mean i wouldn't give anything to have william (will) here as a big brother to his younger brother, sister and sweet baby on the way. i have accepted that we will be a whole family one day in heaven. what a beautiful morning in your sunday school class. i am so glad to hear that your big three year old is back to himself! happy to hear that your negative thoughts were quick ones. i look forward to the day i read a post of more miracles that God is performing in price's life!

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

a beautiful story so well said...and many things to ponder....Have a great week

Julie said...

This is beautiful...thanks for sharing.

I had never fully realized the statement you wrote "this world has nothing for us..we are not yet home" until we had Bella. Now, I get it completely.

Thanks again for sharing..and yay for Price having the sparkle back! I can always tell when Bella is getting sick by her lack of sparkle...I dread the days of "no spark". :)

Tiffany said...

The big star that he is! I love his sparkle. Beautiful story, friend.

cindy gatewood said...

It's true -- most of us have suffered in our lives in some way
or another. Thankfully that encourages us to call on God and experience faith and His plan for us.
John 3:16 tells us of His amazing
grace and His ultimate sacrifice!

Love you! =)
Mom

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