Tuesday, December 21, 2010

PEACE

Today Price fell down the entire flight of front stairs. I can't believe it. I turned my head for a second to put Street down for his nap and then I hear the thuds. I really think it scared him more than anything. He cried for about 3 minutes and then was ready to get back on the floor and play. He had a little blood on his lip and a few bumps on his head but nothing else. Surprisingly, I was not panicked. Sure, my heart beat a little faster as I heard it happen and I ran right to get him, but I did not panic.

Panic is in my nature. I am the most fearful, anxious person I know. Seriously. It's hard to admit, but I had a couple of panic attacks right after Nathan and I got married that landed me in the minor ER. I thought I was dying.

Slowly but surely the Lord has done a work in me. I wasn't sure I was going to share this as we haven't told many people or even family, but Price's MRI last week did not result in the news we had hoped for. In fact, it was not at all what we expected. The neurologist and radiologist had a consult about it, that's how not typical the results were. We were back at Texas Children's the following day subjecting Price to more testing because they now think what he has could be degenerative. Like I said, not at all what we expected. Not at all what we have been praying for. Degenerative? That's like the worst word I have ever heard. Especially when it applies to something my baby could have.

Did I cry when the neurologist called me on the phone? Of course, I have been crying all week. Does it keep me up at night wondering about the future? Sure, I think about it all day and all night. But did I panic? No. If this is how the Lord chooses to glorify Himself through us and through Price's life then I say okay. It's not without tears or sadness or us pleading to the Lord for something different, but it IS well with my soul. I am not trying to make myself sound all perfect and together because I am definitely not. Not at all. But, I am trying to make the point that the Lord has done a great work in me and in our family. Anxiety has no place in all this. Panic and worry has no place.

Our Sunday school teacher told us to focus on two things this Christmas season: His GLORY and His PEACE. Peace does not mean having all things lined up and to be without suffering. This is what it used to mean to me. It is being in the midst of pain and suffering and still experiencing the peace that only He can bring. I feel it, Nathan feels it. Peace.

Do you have it?

10 comments:

Amanda said...

"Anxiety has no place in all this. Panic and worry has no place." This gave me chills and I still have them. Praise the Lord.

cindy gatewood said...

Trying, really trying...
Not having things "lined up"
is hard for me! BUT, you are
showing me the way...
Love you for that. You are
the most wonderful daughter,
sister, and mother our family
could ever ask for.

Mom

d said...

I love you friend.
Prayerful,
Danielle

Sherry said...

I agree with cindy. You are the most loving, kind and generous of all people I know. You have been that way from a very early age. God is definitely working through you. Love you so much !

Paige said...

I am SO proud of your strength and faithfulness. You are truly a sister that I look up to more than words can express. What a woman warrior of faith you are! Keep standing strong and know that HE is with you. Our Pricey IS perfectly and beautifully made by HIM, who is full of glory and peace. On our knees with prayer. Love you!

glenda said...

Reading your blog tugged at my heart and the tears sprang freely. Your strength and faith are amazing and you are a testament to the Lord! Price is a "special blessing" from God and his smile is infectious and warms the heart.

Katie said...

Kristen...Praying! I am also a worry wart and always anxious. Satan has a way of always placing the worst thoughts in my head. You're an inspiration in getting through this.

Give sweet Price a kiss from us...especially on his little noggin :)

Tabaitha Kaye said...

Thankful that God is carrying your entire family and especially Price in his hands during all of this. Praying!

Rachel said...

Price sounds similar to a dear friend of mine's daughter who is now 9 years old with a solo on her dance team . . . with God all things are possible. Feel free to email me to ask questions . . . I would be happy to give you lots of info if that would be helpful for you!

april said...

You don't know me, but I am Jason Sapp's sister-in-law. I have been keeping all of you in my prayers the last couple of years. Your children are growing so and are just too adorable. My dad was diagnosed July 2009 with a brain tumor and it has been a ride I never imagined going on especially with him so young (58). You are so very right about the peace that you can have about ANY situation you face when you let God guide you through it. I don't know how anyone can get through life without HIM! I too have that peace in my soul. AMEN! I pray that God continues His work through you, Nathan and your children. Keep the Faith...

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